How do I connect with the kids?

I spend the majority of my speaking time addressing teenagers. I have addressed all ages, literally, and I am convinced that the toughest group is the teenage population. What serves as a source of high anxiety for many speakers is how to address young audiences.

Let's start with teens since they are the toughest. Someone once told me that teens "have about 50 people living inside each of them" and I agree wholeheartedly. I believe that this group is the toughest because of their emotional instability. Teens are physically and emotionally growing at a rate that they cannot control. So they really have little control of their actions sometimes.

And THAT is why you and I are the adults! The worst way to address teens it to try to "be down" or speak their language. There's no using the slang of the day, doing the dances of the day or referencing the trend of the day from an adult. An adult will die an ugly public speaking death when he/she does that! Hey, bless you if you really are down. But if you're not, leave it alone!

What teens want is authenticity. You could be the biggest dork in the world. Lord knows I have lots of dork in me! But as long as you are your own dork, they respect it. Yes, they will make fun of you but being who you really are is what works the best.

Children from the ages of about 8 to 12 are tough but can be managed if you have full control of yourself. The irony of this group is that they are really tough but can be quickly controlled. It takes being really firm and really prepared to take action on those who act out the most. One more thing. One adult should never have to deal with this group. Matters are best managed in teams. But once you deal with the ring leaders in these groups, the rest will follow you.

The easiest young group for me is the toddler group. The reason is that I am naturally an animated speaker. I love doing story time! Eat your bananas and have your energy drinks before you deal with this group. It's all in the smiles, the physical movements and vocal variety. I promise you that you will be tired after you finish with them but it will be well worth it.

So what do you do when your audience gets really active?

Pause when there is too much noise. Wait for the noise to die down because you cannot continue unless they are quiet. When the speaker goes silent they know something is wrong.

Be patient! After all, they are kids. And to expand on that, NEVER threaten an audience or audience member unless you are prepared to carry out the threat. Be aware that you may be dealing with some kids who have no clear code of behavior or what one of my high school teachers used to call "home training."

Be firm. Let your authority speak for you. Here is where I like to implement the KISKIM rule---"Keep It Short, Keep It Moving". If you have to say something to your audience simple phrases such as "Excuse me" or "I'll wait" will do. If you feel the need to address the audience beyond that, DO NOT go into a separate speech focusing on their bad behavior. Instead, make reference to the value of continuing your presentation or session with them. And, by the way, don't "shush". That's aggravating.

Be courteous. I had to learn this one because I had always been in highly disciplined situations between my parents and attending Catholic schools. There IS no such thing as courtesy in these situations. However, when you're in public settings, courtesy wins the day. Saying "please" and "thank you" go a loooong way, especially for kids who aren't used to courtesy.

Be fair to the kids who are being good. ALWAYS thank them for their cooperation.

Be aware of your body language. A firm stance speaks of your competence, confidence and authority. Out-of-control movements such as standing on one hip or dropping your arms in frustration tell your young audience that they have had their way with you.

USE YOUR EYES! This is the x-factor in speaking to young audiences. Teenagers, especially, fear eye contact. It's like kryptonite! Always, look your audience in the eyes.

Smile. A smile tells a story of your confidence and competence. I gave it a separate bullet because many of us forget to smile when we get frustrated with a group. Even if your session has been the worst ever, leave with a smile on your face.

Remember that dealing with a young group is all about self-control. The more in control that they see you, the more they respect you.